I Don't Fall Hard.

I don't fall hard. In fact, I hate falling hard. It's just not my thing.

I hate: The curiousness of wanting to get in between the fibers of that person's every thought and emotion. I hate: The urge of wanting to tell that person that you wish more than a sky full of wishes on the night of a meteor shower that you'd wish they'd never let you go. I hate: The stupid unexpected little smiles that come across your face when you think of them and getting completely teased by someone who's seen you do it. I hate: The moments where your day is a complete wreck, up until they contact you and all those negative vibes magically disappear. I hate: The times where you are looking away from them but you feel them watching you, and when you look at them they don't alter their gaze. I hate: The skip skip skip dance your heart makes and the glimmer in your eyes you get when you see their name pop up on your phone screen. I hate: How every single little thing, even something so irrelevant to that person like, why the sky is blue (and this thought gives you a reason to think of them again because you remember that they love sunny days). I hate: How you just want to eat up all their attention, their ego, their thoughts, their inhibitions, their fears, their doubts, their flaws and their insecurities because their whole being matters that much to you. I hate: Those moments where you are in the same room, not even touching, but you feel so much heat and connection radiating through your skin. I hate: Those moments where you want to help them in anyway possible to become the best version of themselves that they can. I hate: That exact "oh shit" moment you've just realized you've fallen....that hard.

See what I mean? It's so much, too much at times. I don't fall hard. In fact, I hate falling hard. It's just not my thing.

I hate: Having to hold back the strings of "i want you... i adore you..." thoughts running across in captions as you watch them from a distance because you don't know if they've fallen as hard as you. I hate: The times where you have to disregard wanting to show affection because it feels like they're not in it as much as you are anymore. I hate: The moments where you're in bed and you can smell them all up in your sheets but you're forced to have cuddle sessions with your pillows instead. I hate: The linger of their lips on yours after the days you've been forced to just running your fingers over your lips in memory. I hate: How the new text messages start getting less and less, so you feel nostalgic and scroll up to read the old ones. I hate: How when you see them you have to try with all your might to not give them as much attention anymore because you know they don't seem to want it as much anymore. I hate: When you hug them goodbye, you have to let go 3 seconds faster than you are used to. I hate: How when you attempt and try to tell them you miss them, they don't seem to want to say it back. I hate: How the person that made you feel so special days on end, doesn't even bother to even say hi to you anymore. I hate: That moment where you realize that the person you fell for, fell out of it with you.

See what I mean? It's so much, too much at times. I don't fall hard. In fact, I hate falling hard. It's just not my thing.