Hello, my name is Kristine! And this is my life...

I Don't Fall Hard.

2012-01-16T22:16:00.001-08:00

I don't fall hard. In fact, I hate falling hard. It's just not my thing.

I hate: The curiousness of wanting to get in between the fibers of that person's every thought and emotion. I hate: The urge of wanting to tell that person that you wish more than a sky full of wishes on the night of a meteor shower that you'd wish they'd never let you go. I hate: The stupid unexpected little smiles that come across your face when you think of them and getting completely teased by someone who's seen you do it. I hate: The moments where your day is a complete wreck, up until they contact you and all those negative vibes magically disappear. I hate: The times where you are looking away from them but you feel them watching you, and when you look at them they don't alter their gaze. I hate: The skip skip skip dance your heart makes and the glimmer in your eyes you get when you see their name pop up on your phone screen. I hate: How every single little thing, even something so irrelevant to that person like, why the sky is blue (and this thought gives you a reason to think of them again because you remember that they love sunny days). I hate: How you just want to eat up all their attention, their ego, their thoughts, their inhibitions, their fears, their doubts, their flaws and their insecurities because their whole being matters that much to you. I hate: Those moments where you are in the same room, not even touching, but you feel so much heat and connection radiating through your skin. I hate: Those moments where you want to help them in anyway possible to become the best version of themselves that they can. I hate: That exact "oh shit" moment you've just realized you've fallen....that hard.

See what I mean? It's so much, too much at times. I don't fall hard. In fact, I hate falling hard. It's just not my thing.

I hate: Having to hold back the strings of "i want you... i adore you..." thoughts running across in captions as you watch them from a distance because you don't know if they've fallen as hard as you. I hate: The times where you have to disregard wanting to show affection because it feels like they're not in it as much as you are anymore. I hate: The moments where you're in bed and you can smell them all up in your sheets but you're forced to have cuddle sessions with your pillows instead. I hate: The linger of their lips on yours after the days you've been forced to just running your fingers over your lips in memory. I hate: How the new text messages start getting less and less, so you feel nostalgic and scroll up to read the old ones. I hate: How when you see them you have to try with all your might to not give them as much attention anymore because you know they don't seem to want it as much anymore. I hate: When you hug them goodbye, you have to let go 3 seconds faster than you are used to. I hate: How when you attempt and try to tell them you miss them, they don't seem to want to say it back. I hate: How the person that made you feel so special days on end, doesn't even bother to even say hi to you anymore. I hate: That moment where you realize that the person you fell for, fell out of it with you.

See what I mean? It's so much, too much at times. I don't fall hard. In fact, I hate falling hard. It's just not my thing.

Lost In Translation.

2010-02-26T23:02:00.000-08:00

blank screen.
blink, blink, blink; there goes the cursor.
how, in fact do I explain?

[that smile and frown, simultaneous.
that skip of the heart, the sinking of it too.
sigh of happiness, sigh of uneasiness.
that head against the wall with lips curved up,
but the shake of the head as it all sinks in.
don't know how to feel, don't know what to feel.]

thoughts swimming around trying to find it's rest place,
reasons stopping what actually wants to take pace.
stuck between priorities and mind sets,
softened by feelings and daydreams.
want and need to know where it's all going,
but too afraid to even grasp where it could be heading.

[that smile and frown, simultaneous.
that skip of the heart, the sinking of it too.
sigh of happiness, sigh of uneasiness.
that head against the wall with lips curved up,
but the shake of the head as it all sinks in.
don't know how to feel, don't know what to feel.]

fighting with myself as I'm trying to figure it out,
but all I could do is shake my head in doubt.
here's that time where my walls are built up high,
not because I'm hiding but to see if it's even worth the try.
mind and soul is cradled in a cocoon of insecurity,
all I need is that one moment of reason to believe it'll be sturdy.

[that smile and frown, simultaneous.
that skip of the heart, the sinking of it too.
sigh of happiness, sigh of uneasiness.
that head against the wall with lips curved up,
but the shake of the head as it all sinks in.
don't know how to feel, don't know what to feel.]

full screen.
words, words, words; there goes the truth.
how, in fact can I believe it?

----------------------
dot.dot.dot... hahhaah. That's all I have to say about what the back of my mind is thinking right now. Haha, freaking amazing how poetry affects me. It clears my head tremendously! Lol. But mmmyea, alright goodnight! Until next time I need to vent=)

xoxo,
Kristine

Simply the most beautiful verse in a song.

2010-02-26T01:26:00.001-08:00

Loving you is a like a song I replay every
three minutes and thirty seconds of every day.
And every chorus was written for us to recite
every beautiful melody of devotion every night.
This potion might, this ocean might carry me
in a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me.
And every word, every second, and every third
expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard.
And when I play ‘em, every chord is a poem
telling the Lord how grateful I am because I know him. The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress.
If you asking then I'm telling you it's yes.
- Lauryn Hill

Origami.

2010-02-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

im like origami,
you can fold me into something beautiful.

the blankness of my page is for you to imagine me,
and i can become your perfect creation.
each fold you make of me i'll keep together,
and i can keep your love within me binded forever.

the flaps of my heart are open,
and you can bend them just right so i can fit into you.
you can run your fingers along my edges,
and smooth out my loose ends with your touch.

you can create me into a bird,
so i can fly right into your soul.
you can create me into a flower,
so i can bloom for you when you need to nourish.

you can build me into a sword,
so i may fight for you when you can't fight on your own.
you can build me into a shield,
so i may protect you when hurt comes your way.

i can be your creation, and you can build me with all your being.
i can be your fold, and i will bend as long as i won't tear.
i can be your crease, and i will stay here as long as you want me.
i can be your heart, and you can carry me wherever you may go.

i am your origami,
and you helped me become beautiful.

----------------------------------
i didn't know i had a love poem to offer, but then again i never know what i'm gonna write until i'm done... hahha. i wrote this poem last night and just now got to postin! mmmmkay, until next time! i love love poems, btw. ahahah. they're the most fun to read over after it's finished!

xoxo,
Kristine

Whirlwind.

2010-02-05T22:25:00.001-08:00

the wind takes a hold of me and sways me this way and that,
the rain slowly dropping on my face imitating the growth of emotion.
the ground under my feet begins to shake and crack,
and all i want to do is take away my mind from all the commotion.

the rumble of the thunder starts to crowd my thoughts,
and the storm within my own heart grows stronger with each beat.
each second starts to become harder and each breath i take becomes caught,
and the only thing i can think about is standing tall on my own feet.

my breath starts to grow shallow from the cold,
and i'm starting to shiver under my skin in stuck in broken thought.
don't know what to do, i'm searching for something to hold.
but little did i know that my feelings are the ones to be fought.

-----------------------
I'm a ball of emotion. Dear John was so heartbreaking it stuck to me. Hahaha. Obviously needed to get something out, so there you have it. La la la, vent! =) Until next time, when I need to write... Ta ta for now!

xoxo,
Kristine

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!

2009-12-30T00:27:00.000-08:00

Wow.... Where the hell did 2009 go?!

Like all years... this year flew by fast. but it was one hell of a crazy year!! i think 2009 has proved how much FAMILY means. with everything that happened with my brother, thank you God for hearing our prayers and helping him and our family keep through that very hard time. also, baby girl Kalea came into our life! a blessing like no other! she is the most beautiful little baby in the world, and she puts a smile on each and every of our faces.. she was a great good coming after the hard times=) and other things... that has shown how much FAMILY is what gets you through... i don't think anything else has been very prominent in this year. basically just FAMILY... like everything else that happened this year has blown over my head that i can't even really remember what the hell happened! hahaha. i don't really know if that's a good or bad thing, but yeahhh.. lol. i just really want to stress how much i want to thank the goodness of having a very supportive and understanding family.. i mean without them, i don't think i would have stayed strong throughout that hard time.. you know, you go through life thinking it's easy breezy, and when something huge happens.. you just can't believe you took ANYTHING or ANYONE forgranted in your life.. what i learned from these past few months is that you really can't just live life not giving a fcuk... yes, you have to live life but you can't live it recklessly... you never know what is going to happen.. you will never know if it's your last day or come what may... it's really crazy!! like, what happened with my brother was literally the craziest and hardest time that i've ever been through in my 20 years of living... dont EVER.. EVER.. hold grudges.. dont EVER EVER take someone forgranted.. and dont EVER EVER leave things unsettled.. ferreal man.. feeling that feeling of not knowing whether or not you will be able to speak to someone you love and care about and not being able to say how much you love them is the hardest thing to go through.. and i am SO GLAD that my family and i got another chance to tell my brother everything we neeeded to say, and need to say now and in the future.. i've learned that you really CAN'T think there is another day later on to say what you need to say, but really there isn't... there isn't a right time... so please, if you have ANYTHING to say to ANYONE.. make sure you don't hold it in.. make sure you let them know exactly how you are feeling before it's too late.. believe me, it's not a good feeling at all, AT ALL... i know it may seem like the hardest thing to do, to tell someone what you feel.. but it's necessary.. that goes for everyone! whether it's a friend, a girlfriend or boyfriend, a brother, a sister, a mother, a father... it's an equal standard.. if you care enough, you should NOT NOT act like you don't care... life is too short to keep things in... feel me?? so if you need to say ANYTHING to ANYONE.. go ahead and do it.. do it for yourself, do it for that person... i mean why the hell not right? it's going to be a new year, a new dawn too... might as well start the new year fresh, with no skeletons in your closet... even if it may be the most minute thing, or if its the biggest deal if your life.. don't put it off, don't wait until later... you never know what life has in store.. so be honest, be real, FEEL... yeah.. haha.

WELL! hahaha. apart from all that! i really can't recall anything else that happened this year.. i did a lot of partying though i know that! hahah well up until i had to stop using my alias LOL but i had a good ass run.. really good run! but it's all good.. 21 in 3 months=) ahhaa. hmm what else happened??? damn nothing else huh? no juicy love stories.. had my share of feelings here and there.. and obviously it wasn't solid enough to make it out of the year.. it's all good though, you live and you learn.. you still care though.. yeah, i still care.. but i care only from a distance.. which is alright, because that's how things pan out i guess? its the unconditional stuff, and i'm sure everyone has felt that.. you just care, because you just want the best for them! haha yeah.. hmm what else?? yeah, same shit different day basically... school, chill, go out.. hahah =P

BUT... now that i think of it.. this is my last year in Sacramento! oh mannn. 2010 is going to be MAJOR! hahah.. like i can't stress how fckin ecstatic i am! i am finally going to move to SF for school.. time for a new life.. new city, new friends, new life.. i'm sure 2010 will be my start for a very inspirational and dynamic life.. i just feel it.. i feel like San Francisco is where I was supposed to end up.. and truthfully and honestly, i feel that with my heart... and the school i am going to go to, Academy of Art University.. like ferreal when i visited the campus.. i just felt the inspiration flowing out of me.. i know that sounds hella funny, but like mannn... i felt at HOME there... i felt like i knew thats where i was supposed to be there, to grow into the person i am supposed to be... hahah. here in Sacramento, i felt like i was just floating on by.. not giving a care in the world.. just paddling away.. and just the thought of being able to start over and start a new life in the city that i love next year..is beyond words! i really can't wait.. and although i will miss Sacramento.. there's really nothing left for me here.. besides my family of course! hahah. but really though, i just really believe that I will get where I want to be in San Francisco.. really get to that pinnacle of happiness there.. and that's what i've been searching for for 20 years.. to really be happy.. genuinely happy...=) yeahh.... hahaha. 2010 is not ready for me! haha 21 years old... and living in the City.. =)

HMMM... well that is my 2009-2009 blog... it was a very crazy year to say the least... but everything worked out SO WELL... had so many blessings at the end of the year.. and i have the MAN ABOVE to thank.. without him, i wouldn't have my brother and my niece today=) THANK YOU=) but alright buddddiess.. i hope everyone had a very fulfilling year, despite all of the drama or setbacks you have gone through.. just remember you live and you learn.. and REMEMBER to NEVER take anyone or anything forgranted! i wish you all a very Happy New Year and just know with time passing by, life will get better. 2010, you will be a VERY GOOD YEAR=)

xoxo,
Kristine

Seasons Change, But Love Doesn't

2009-12-14T23:40:00.000-08:00

Like a seed in the ground I was planted.
Underground, needing the nourishment to grow.
In the dark I waited until human nature
would give me a chance to see the world.

I was born in the cold Winter as my ice shedded slowly
from my skin as a new beginning arose in the shape of your face.
You held me warm in the crook of your arms until I was able to
open my petals and grow into the sun.

You stood next to me in the Spring and watched my colors
grow vibrant as each cool day passed by.
You never questioned why it took me a while to bloom,
you just gave me the love and nurture I needed to stay alive.

The Summer sun rose so early in the morning
burning my inhibitions but there you were,
with a tall glass of encouragement to refresh me.
The hot breeze threatened me and made me thirsty, but you
quenched my heart by spending each moist night laying with me.

Then Fall came and my colors started to fade, but you
caught each and every autumn leaf that fell from my heart.
You watched as I blended into the breeze but you held onto me tight,
telling me you'd never blow away.

You came to me with a bucket full of life and
watered me when I needed it the most.
The seasons came and gone but you took my heart and my soul.
You reminded me with each season passing by,
that you would be there holding my hand
and giving me your heart of seasons to share.

-----------
So, I should be studying for finals.. But I needed a break from all the studious shit.. I was feeling sappy and I ended up writing this! It took me about 5 minutes to write and i really don't know how i put that all together... but hey, I thought it turned out pretty romantical. haha=) one day, im gonna make a book of poems for my future love of my life.. hope he'd appreciate it yeah? hahaha jk. anyhooots, hope you like!

xoxo,
Kristine

master of puns.

2009-11-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

my favorite poet, e.e. cummings

tears from the clearing

2009-11-12T22:15:00.000-08:00

to the sky i look, with open arms and an open heart.
the clouds swirling in anticipation, the moist of it lingering on my skin.
i close my eyes, smiling as i await the trickles of tears from the sky.
i've been in this weather before, but i am not afraid.

shivering, wearing nothing but my skin.
listening, as the thunder rumbles it's angry cries.
it yells for me to pay attention, but i stand there motionless.
i've been in this weather before, but i am not afraid.

there it is, the pattering of the raindrops falling on the pavement.
the sky is getting darker and darker now and the howling is getting stronger.
i still stand there, with my arms outstretched, waiting.
i've been in this weather before, but i am not afraid.

the clouds are begging me to move away, find shelter.
but i answer them as i spin around happily, wetting every inch of my skin.
the thunder is warning me to find someone, somewhere to run to.
i've been in this weather before, but i am not afraid.

in all it's dark beauty i want to welcome it.
i want to basque in it's entity and embrace the cold.
nothing else seems so gorgeous, so endearing.
i've been in this weather before, but i am not afraid.

i believe in dark skies, but i believe in the clearing.
i believe in teardrops from the clouds, but i believe in a hand to wipe them away.
i believe in the screaming from the thunder, but i believe in a comfort to calm me down.
i believe in this weather, but i am not afraid.

i, am not afraid. because i believe.

----------
shoot, i promised for a happy go lucky poem huh? hahaha. i guess my head isn't in that place right now. after rereading this poem though... it's quite empowering. yeah? hahah. there is some hope after all. lol=)

xoxo,
Kristine

Take A Bow

2009-11-10T01:52:00.000-08:00

there goes the awaiting crowd,
you stand there looking so fcukin proud.
How stupid do you look though,
radiating there with a pathetic glow?
who would of thought a charming smile,
can end up with traces of poisonous vile.

they all watch as you put on your show,
feeling cocky as can be yet you really are low.
entertainment to the maximum,
but little did know your act was already done.
pulling out all the old tricks and licks,
what's funny is you were setting yourself up with a bad ass fix.

They laugh at all your disappointing reveries,
waiting until the day you fall to your knees.
you think you hear a round of applause,
but in reality it's all disapproving nods.
who are you at playing now?
a little believer that thinks you'll take a vow.

please, hurry, go back on stage.
stand there in your ugly phase.
go on, smile your sadistic smile.
talk in your ruthless condescending style.
award has gone to you, you've done the work.
round applause, for the Biggest Jerk.

--------------
wow haven't written in a while. didn't know I had a Rant to offer. hahahaha! anyway, be back some other time with a nice poem and not a rant poem. yeah? yeah. think I'll write about stars then, I saw a tremendously beautiful falling star the other night, may be a gift of inspiration. good inspiration though, or something of the sort. goodnight!

xoxo,
Kristine

Nightmare.

2009-04-25T01:46:00.000-07:00

written: April 25, 2009 @ 1:40am

there's a monster under my bed.
i can hear him shuffling with the untouched boxes,
i can hear him scratching against the surrounding walls.
i lift the sheets, he hides deep in the corner, i can't see him.

there's a monster in my closet.
i can hear him rummaging through my wrinkled clothes,
i can hear him trying on different pairs the shoes i've worn.
i open the closet door, he hides deep behind everything, i can't see him.

there's a monster in my dark.
i can hear him rattling against my untouched thoughts,
i can hear him climbing higher and higher on top of my surrounding walls.
i open my eyes, he hides deep in my mind, i can't feel him.

there's a monster in my mind.
i can hear him laughing at my wrinkled beliefs,
i can hear him taunting me with all my different disappointments.
i open my heart, he rips through it, i can take him.

-----------------
it's been a while since i've written a poem! i actually knew the feeling i was writing off of for this poem for once... haha that's a first right? lols. well as you all know, i write poetry and use it as an outlet. yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah, i ono what feeling you guys get off of that but use ur imagination i guess.. hahaha. but okay, until next time i need to write! (=

p.s. i'm back on that rooftop writing at night... summer is on it's way!

xoxo,
Kristine

A Riddle For You To Solve.

2009-01-26T23:28:00.000-08:00

Written: January 26, 2009 @ 11:55pm

for a moment there, baby, you had me believe you.
was it your fancy words, fancy suit, fancy you?
better yet, was it the sweet hello, or the moment you said let's go?
no, it wasn't your tempo of slow or the easy words you flow.
it was more bull with the shit, and cupid with the wrong hit.

hold on, wait a second, did you say you were forever?
you had the "never say never", and the "let me tell her what's clever."
oops, what happened there, did you think i'd fall?
get on my knees and gravel, and bend down to you and crawl?
the joke was on who? i'm thinking, believing, that it's on you.

i'm sorry, excuse me, did you think i couldn't play too?
had the poker face, super duper easy grace, i beat you this race.
did it hurt much, is your heart a fuss, don't say i am unjust.
hows your ego and your light of always green and go?
you can scream it out if you'd like, but please move it on out.

tell me baby, how does it feel to taste your own?

------------------------------

Hi! I haven't wrote a poem in a while so i thought i should now, before school knocks me off the realm of the world and i get too busy. hahahah. but anyway, AGAIN i am surprised to see what the hell my complex mind is thinking. i swear, i never know what i'm feeling or thinking until i write a poem and then reread that shit. ahahhahaha. ccccrazy. (note: i think usually my poems are exaggerated) hahaha so don't be taken aback by anything. i mean the core of it all is there, but you know poetry is poetry, you gotta make the emotions leap off the page. hahah. okay so there's a poem for you! lols. this right here, is a "rant". yes in poetry, there is a such thing. lols.

p.s. i started up on tumblr so you can find me on there as well! it's more of a blog than anything. i post random shit on there. really (: hahaha. okay, i'm gonna try to get some sleep now. so ta ta!

xoxo,

Kristine

Sleeping.

2009-01-03T02:47:00.000-08:00

Written: January 3, 2008 @ 2:50am

like sleep, i can't see clearly or think coherently.
i got a honey-glazed layer over my eyes.
my head is spinning and my limbs are limber.
i've got feathers for thoughts.
my breathing is slowed and labored.
i'm as calm but deep as the ocean.
my head feels so light and far-gone.
i am floating on clouds of carelessness.
i'm seeing flashes of black and white.
i've been trapped into a thoughts coma.

like sleep, i am only living through my eyes closed.
i got dreams plastered onto my brain.
the thorns and rose petals fall endlessly.
i've touched the halo and the pitchfork.
my angel and devil are mocking.
i got the sun's rays behind the darkness.
my reasons for believing are shadowed by the doubt.
i'm looking at me from a far in a daze.
my mind can't make sense of anything.
i've been trapped into a coffin of my sleepless thoughts.

---------------------------------
i dont know how i typed that poem up. hahaha. i'm hella sleepy but i can't sleep. i thought if i'd write a poem about not sleeping then i'd be able to fall asleep. hahah. wow, my mind is so far off from sleeping isn't it? hahahaha. anyway, i re-read it and it hardly makes sense. but hey thats the beauty of poetry isn't it... bullshit becomes beautiful. loll NIGHT!

xoxo,
Kristine

Epiphany.

2009-01-02T15:05:00.000-08:00

Hello 2009.

Self realizations: i have it good.

Ups: i stayed doin me and i'm better than ever.

Downs: i been through one too many revolving doors and merry-go rounds; i want to just stand still.

Resolutions: eyes on the prize, SF here i come baby.

Setbacks?: nothing, my past is my past.

Beliefs?: patience is a virtue, all of it will be worth the wait.

SUP 2009!!

----------------------------------
xoxo,
Kristine

girlicious - t15.

2008-12-25T20:21:00.001-08:00

Written: December 23, 2008 @ 10:48pm

eight-two-threes and heartbreak.
i need to get this off my chest.
not quite sure why i always let it phase me,
but i just need to write.
i need to write because i hate it,
and i don't want to feel it anymore.
as much as i try to dismiss everything,
i find myself lingering on what could be, what could of been.
sometimes i just want to throw in the towel,
let my heart take it from here.
but i gotta be smart, don't let it overcome me.
i know in the deepest of the depths,
that i am not alone in this.
i just want to leave reality for a bit,
go wander and float in a world where no one else,
but who matters, and only matters, is in it.
sometimes i just want to scream out loud,
hit the cold hard pavement with my fists.
blame the stars for cursing my heart,
and point my finger at god knows who and ask why?
can i express all of it?
i know, for a damn fact, i'm not the only one who wants to confess.
i can't and don't want to take it anymore,
because i do not want to look back over my shoulder,
over and over, over and fuckin over, always and over again.

-------------------------------
vent-ilicious.

xoxo,
Kristine

Closet Thing I Could Write About Love.

2008-12-21T19:10:00.001-08:00

Written: December 21, 2008 @ 7:31pm

everyday i get lost in the deeply covered grange of your expressions

and i search upon the stars to find a twinkle in your astonishing eyes

i breathe your scent into mines as it fills every nerve
to the tips of my fingers

and my thoughts begin to fog as i close my eyes
and picture the beautiful of your face

i cannot explain the rush of fluid tingles as my fingers feel for yours

and i cannot define my own beliefs as i see the
truth escaping of your every pore

there isn't much i can say but the pinnacle of
euphoria you've unlocked in me

nor can i express the definite arrays of
sunlight that beams off your love

i've never been enclosed so tight within a rose that smells so sweet

nor have i the strength to dismay the petals of
security you peel for me

there is no definition for the purity of your
mesmerizing hold i've been drawn to

nor an explanation of how deep within the oceans of
your heart i've fallen through

if i had words to explain my love for you--

they would run faster than the wind,

soar higher than the stars,

tower higher than the mountains,

but that is not all--

for once in my life, words don't seem enough

-----------------------------
hey! i promised you guys a poem right? Lol, so there you go. I've been itching to write a very deep love poem, and that's all i could come up with at the moment. hahaha. i tried. lols [: i don't have much to work with, if you know what i mean... hahahahaha. but when that day comes, i'm sure it'll be more mushy for you guys! lolll. okay well until next time... in case i don't come back soon, i'll wish you guys a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

xoxo,

Kristine

The Art of Being Single

2008-12-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

The Art of Contentment.
For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I'm sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome,beautiful, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you're willing to see it through. It means you don't walk away everytime things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one. The art of contentment means you wouldn't mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.

A Time to Know Yourself Better.
Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person's approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you're still romantically unattached. It's all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don't know who and what you really are?A Choice Between Good and Best. Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it's between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won't hear music, or feel magic to know who's best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn't need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.

Take Your Time, the World Will Wait.
Being married doesn't guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn't guarantee anything at all. Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you're better off unattached.Living Life. Don't put your life on hold for Mr. and Mrs. Right but don't let it waste away with Mr.or Mrs. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It's not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with it's most wonderful blessings.

----------
found this on Leslie's page, and i loved it [: thought i should share with you all!

sorry i haven't posted a poem in a while, i promise i'll have one up soon!

xoxo,
Kristine

Caught Up.

2008-11-18T21:45:00.000-08:00

Written: November 18, 2008 @ 9:59pm

Barricaded.

he came, locked up, sprawling, grabbing.

trying to intertwine my fingers with his, strangling.

his manic expression, his depressing wanting.

i tried to run.

Trapped.

he conquered, sword down, feet gripping.

alluring me with his voice, his lips, his eyes.

his persuasiveness, his pervasiveness.

i tried to scream.

Never would i have believed his presence.

For i never knew such a monster.

His eagerness and his perseverance.

He intoxicated me with every breath of him i took.

Always i felt a no need for a stronger power.

But he shackled me into his soul, his heart.

He stole me without my consent nor my choice.

He became my life and I know now, why I am his prisoner.

-----------------
haahahah. so this started off with me thinking about how i want to run away from my feelings but i can't kuz they got me on lockdown.. and it turned out like that... and i laughed at myself because the outcome of it reminds me so much of..... edward cullen. LOLLLLLL! damnn... twilight on my brain 24/7... cant even go a few minutes without thinking about it.. and when im not thinking about it, my subconscience is. hahahaha. but anywayyy, theres a new poem for u guys! i know it's been a while..hahaha. soemthing finally irkkkeddd me so i had to get it out. but i didn't expect it to turn out like THAT. lmaoooo. but sure sure enjoy! [=

xoxo,
Kristine

La la la la Lahve.

2008-10-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

hi hi hi. i realized i haven't posted any of my poems in a while! hehehe. so i have 2 love poems for you guys. i hope you enjoy!

Together As One

carry me,

to Cloud Nine

where all i am is He,

and what i feel is not blind.

drift me away,

to the Farthest of the Far

where close to Him i'll lay,

and never again wish amongst a star.

breath me in,

to the depths of The Soul

where i could smell His security within

and go to the heart in which i stole.

stay with me forever,

to the Outfields of Eternity

where He will never say never

and we shall share eachother for infinity

-----------------------------

Layers of Sleep

Layer one is like wax paper for your brain.

Lines are distorted, but shapes can be seen.

It's thick like milk, but fluid all the same.

I could swim in it, but I'm at risk of drowning.

It's like your eyes.

Layer two is like parchment paper for your thoughts.

Everything is sepia toned, and the fibers are just thick enough to dull your senses.

It's suffocatingly sweet, the consistency of honey.

There's hardly breathing room, but i'm content, comfortable.

It's like your embrace.

Layer three is like a concrete wall to keep your emotions in check.

Cold and dark, or maybe bright and warm, but you're too numb

To react, to feel, to process it all.

Firm, sturdy, like wood.

It moves with me, resists me, for me, against me, pushes and pulls.

It's like your kiss.

Layer four is like a steel door between you and the world.

No dark, no light. No sound, no silence.

It's abrasive and solid, but not indestructible, like brick.

With enough wind and rain, it chips, it flakes.

An earthquake could collapse it, but I alone cannot.

It's like your heart.

----------------

we ended the poetry section in my CW class, but that definitely doesn't mean i'll stop posting for you guys! lols. but yeahhh, until next time. hope you guys liked the love poems. i haven't written a genuine love poem in a while, so there you have it [=. ta ta for now!

xoxo,

Kristine

I Found My Passion, Deeper.

2008-09-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

He Sees Him In My Eyes

In the car, volume low
Preaches he does, in wise lyrics
Listen I do, tuning into his station
“Dream Big Honey”

Dinner table, with eager ears
Words, wisdom passed around on a platter
Take a serving of it, support and encouragement
“Dream Big Honey”

Mirror, I see, though not I
Him, I see, instead
Reflections discovered
He sees me,
I see him

Daddy always told me to
Dream Big
Engrossing, I must confess, to
Dream Big
I’ll do it for us, for him, to
Dream Big

Dream bigger, though
I promised.

-------------
We had to write about our father's. And describe a trait about him that describes him the best. I picked encouraging=].

Tickin'

The grains of said inch down slowly

Time ticks by, tick tock tick tock

You see your life flash by like a sudden story

Everything seems so vivid, like an intricate thought

Who would have known you can watch Life

See it pile up quickly

See it move faster to the tip of a knife

Hairs on your arm stand up making your skin prickly

Time they say is of the essence

Yet slowly and surely it reaches it's end

Nothing more than just a spirtual presence

Gathering it's weight, tilting, about to bend

The hourglass of life is waiting

Patiently and impatiently it's making you frown

No use of watching your trapped in and staying

Just live your life, before the sand weighs you down

------------
Professor Miner threw a bunch of objects on the ground and he said to pick the thing that interested you the most. I picked the hourglass.

Grip.

One holds the other.

Strong hand, weak hand

Gripping tightly for security

Blistering because of protection

One holds the other.

Forceful penetration

Inviting situation

Sweaty pamls from persuasion

Crackly skin from perseverance

One holds the other.

Equality is screaming

Opposition is succumbing

Height becomes the tower

Strength becomes the backbone

One holds the other.

They hold eachother

They intertwine their fingers

They are together connected as one

------------
Same thing Prof. Miner did, but with random postcards. I found a postcard that had hands all over the place and they were gripping a stick. For some reason, I could not get my mind away from Edward and Bella's relationship. hahahahah!

SOOOOOOOOO. There are 3 poems I wrote from yesterday's clas... Anyway.. like this post says... I found what I absolutely love doing, and.... i want to do it for sure in the future.. i want to write... but not as a hobby, maybe a part-time job on the side?? Yeah.. I can't see my future without me writing.. I want to take it to another level... And fckn i HELLA LOVE my creative writing class. I was so used to writing about emotions like love or sadness or whatever.. i never really touched on the things we do in class.. it opened my eyes to see how beautiful writing is.. aahaha yeah.... and get this, i'm so proud of myeslf because all the poems we have to write is in 5 minutes.. not too shabby eh? imagine if i had more time.. =] fabulous! hahah ok be back soon.

xoxo,
Kristine

In the Distance.

2008-09-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

Written: September 10, 2008 @ 11:10 pm

swallowed by the alone
grabbed by the solo
harassed by the feeling of being one
taunted by the feeling of two

yet here i stand
feet gripping the solid ground
with my heart enclosing the broken
fingers intertwining with the empty

pounding on the floor with my fist
breaking the solidarity with my wants
coldness of cement pierces my heart
firmness then resassures my touch

vividly i see stretching path
flowers bloom slowly and carefully
hugging the beauty with my fragile arms
i kiss my future passionately

--------------
Yet again I am surprised where my mind is at. That is the beauty of writing.

xoxo,
Kristine

Stolen Breath.

2008-09-08T23:10:00.001-07:00

written: september 8, 2008

shivering against the stone cold bricks
he warmed my soul as his sweaty palms
traced the contours of my body
from my fragile and pale cheekbones
to the sides of my quivering hips

his breath lingered against my whimpering chest
but his heartbeat steadily kept its normal pace
felt my knees give out involuntarily as i blushed
his strong arms held me tightly to his security

mangled and anxious as his dark eyes stared deeply
his severity and hunger were so alarmingly present
couldn't comprehend, let alone think coherently
felt my heart stop beating momentarily

intertwining his warm fingers with mine
felt his icy breath whisper sweet nothings
dazed and intoxicated by his every move, his every touch
couldn't find my lungs to inhale, exhale

the sunlight danced around us but i didn't see
birds chirped all around us but i didn't hear
wind blew cold but i didn't feel
moss floated in the air but i didn't taste

i was safe there
no world of mine existed
but together it did
forever, i knew i was there

-----------
in CW class, the topic was to describe feelings without actually stating what it was in 5 minutes. can you guess the feeling? =]. i'll tell you... lust! hahah. yeah.... ahhaha okay thats all! i'll most likely be posting all of my poems i write from CW. k? k. night.

p.s. chivalry is dead! when it comes back alive, i'll bend over backward for it. hahaha

xoxo,

Kristine

Pick A Word.

2008-09-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

The Darkness of the Moonlight

She's got a pocket full of moonlight

Sitting on her windowsill she looks out to death

She's been touched by the night,

Eaten by the dark

Ever so dimmly she sees her life flash

Before her watery pools of eyes

She's begging quietly, silently

To an unknown savior, a useless protector

She closes her eyes as a single sliver of light

Peeks through her blackened drapes

She's alone

She seens no one, no one sees her

Her skin is pale like the moon

Her image is faint against the stars

For once in her black tunnel

There is no light

Only endless roads leading to no where

She's gone, disappeared

She's lonely, alone, lonesome

No one holds her cold hand

She's been forgotten

While the rest of the world sings Que Sera Sera!

She's not living anymore

Nor is she feeling

She's went on, alone

She's got a pocket full of moonlight.

----------

Okay wow, I was trippen down there in the previous poem entry! Hahahaha. The feeeeeeezy. Lols. I wanna slap myself for that one..LOL. but i never delete poems, so i'll leave it there. it's just like. umm Kristine, are you serious?! Hahahah. BUTTT yeah lol.

Umm anywayyyy. I wanted to post the poem we had to write about in creative writing class today.. Our teacher threw out random words on the board, and we had to pick one and write something dark/depressing/sad and contrast it with a foreign word/phrase that is totally the opposite. and this is waht i came up with in 5 minutes. (yes, we were timed). i thought it turned out pretty interesting.. ^^ check it out!

xoxo,

Kristine

Scratch That, I Hope...

2008-09-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

Written: September 1, 2008 @ 9:39pm

first off let me say this
i dont know
why
but i do know
that it's something i'm
surprised
about.

must of been the
flashbacks
or the past shit
catching up
hell if i know.

but i feel
guilty
for even harboring
what i am
feeling.

and i'm even more
bothered
that i'm taking the
intiative
to remind myself
that i
feel
the way i feel.

fuck
i can't even really
explain
why
or yet alone
what
i'm feeling.

it's a mixture of
emotional overrides
and i can't seem to get a grip
on this rollercoaster
nor can i even
focus on what
it
is or even
why
it is.

i need some
clarity
or maybe just a bit of
hope?
no, scatch that.
reason.
that's more like it.

reason for why i'm feeling
this
green monster
no, not green.
red, pink, no.
white.
fcuk, what do i know now?

can't
explain
nor can i find any type of
solidarity
or even a
simple
answer.

it's
complicated,
and i
hate
it to the core that i'm even
feeling
thinking
harboring
all of this,
BULLSHIT.

--------------------------
Damn, it's been a minute since I needed to emotionally cleanse myself. But damn.... I guess I had to....

xoxo,

Kristine

Obsessed.

2008-07-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

**EDIT 7/31/08**
I moved my Twilight obsession to here: click.

Hey what's up! I haven't been on here in agessss. I haven't had much "emotional cleansing" to do lately! Hahah, (you know how I usually write poetry when I need to wrap my head around things). Haha, anway. So I thought I should change it up a little and start actually "blogging" you know. Haha. Although my days are pretty much routine. You know the, "same shit different day". Hahaha. Speaking of routine, I am lightweight embarassed that I'm going to admit this! Haha, I am so fcukin obsessed with Twilight. I mean I was always a fan of Stephenie Meyer and her Twilight Saga, but ever since I found out that it was going to be made into a movie... I totally flipppppppped! Haha, so... I'm pretty much a "Twi-Hard". What is that you ask? Well. Basically I am over-ly obsessed with the Twilight saga, and I pretty much squeal and squirm everytime I come across anything Twilight. Hhahaha (hence the freaking blog post of being obsessed about it) Haha. Anyway, I thought since everyone who is a TwiHard posts their feelings about the Twilight movie, how about I go ahead and express some of my own?

I think Kristen Stewart is perfect for Bella. Although she didn't cross my mind at first, from watching videos of her playing the part, I think she'll totally live up to it! Kristen was always one of my favorite actors, her beauty is so natural! Just like Bella's.
Now, I wasn't a fan of Rob Pattinson when he played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. He was supposed to be drop-dead gorgeous, (from the way JK Rowling said) and I remember I highly disapproved of him. BUT, "vampire-d out" as Edward Cullen?! Fuccck, I must say that I fell into his spell, they made him look PERFECT. He seems like he's grasped Edward's character fully, and I'm sure he'll do a superb job at it.
Jacob Black! Aww, I think Taylor Lautner will do great. I loved him in Sharkboy and Lava girl. At first when I found out that he aws going to play Edward, I couldn't help but be like. "What? He's so young!" But, when I saw him all grown-up, I was like. Yes, he's perfect for Jacob=].
As for the other Cullens, I think all of them fit. At first, I was a bit oblivious to the fact that Nikki Reed from Thirteen was going to play Rosalie, but after watching a few interviews of her about playing Rosalie, I think her acting will do the job. She is in fact, a really good actress. I think Ashley Greene fits Alice! I pictured Alice exactly like her. Kellan Lutz and Jackson Rathbone also fit Emmet and Jasper. Although I pictured Emmet to be hugeee, I think Kellan will do great, I've seen his acting. As for Carlisle and Esme? I pictured Kate Beckinsale; I haven't seen much of Elizabeth Reaser's acting, but I'm guessing she's good at it. Peter Facinelli as Carlisle? I couldn't agree more.
Nomads! I think Cam Gigandet is perfect. Since I picture this guy as a rough ass, tough ass, (Never Back Down) I think he'll do well as James. Also from watching the video of Bella and James in the ballet room, you can't help but squeal when watching. As for Rachelle Lefevre as Victoria? I don't know really, she seems too pretty/innocent-looking. But I'm sure with make-up they'll make her look hella deranged hahaha. Hmm, a black guy as Laurent? (Okay, call me stereotypical but, black vampires? ahahahha okay that's mean) But I've seen Edi Gathegi act, and he's a coo actor.

So, there's my two cents on the actors chosen for the cast. I'm so syked that Twilight is becoming a movie. Although it's like half a year away from now! I wish time would speed up. Hahaha. But DAMN, it's coming out two weeks after Harry Potter? Whaaaaaaat. But honestly, I think that I love the Twilight Saga more than Harry Potter. (??? Seriously ???) Haha, maybe I'm just saying that because Twilight is everywhere right now. I'm not gonna lie, when it's "Harry Potter" season, I get equally obessed. But no doubtttt, Twilight is the shitttttttttttt. And I think I might have to say I like it a teensy weensy bit better than Harry Potter! *Gasps.

Okay, moving on to more Twilight talk! BREAKING DAWN anyone? Who else's patience is fcukin wearing thin on waiting?! Man, I've reread the exclusive chapter from the special edition of Eclipse like hella times already. (Yes, I have it on my laptop hahah. Don't ask how I got it, I searched and searched!) Lol. Man but let me say this. This is what I want to happen in BD.

Bella becoming a vampire (of course!)
Jacob to imprint!
"Compromise" fulfilled between Bella and Edward
Mrs. Isabella Marie Swan Cullen (of course!)
For some sick reason, I want the Volturri to interfere really badly

That's all I really want FOR SURE to happen in this book. I know I'm gonna prolly get all that and moreeeeeeeee but that's what I hella itch for! Haha =]. Ohhhh, speaking of BD. (Like an obsessed fan who thinks she has a chance) I entered the BD Concert Series Sweepstakes that's going to be in NYC. Damn, pray for me that I win. (Yeah right, one in a million chance! Haha),

Hmmmmmmm, okay I think that's enough for my whole Twilight schpeel. But, I'm a loser and I have to throw out some of my favorite videos of Twilight-related-stuff of courseeeeeeee.

Hahahha. Okay so likeeeee. Before I end this post, I'm going to say... If you haven't read Twilight, YOU SHOULD! I promise you'll love it=] If you're into the romantic/suspense kind of shit, you'll LOVE the Twilight Saga. =]

Alright, till next time!

xoxo,
Kristine

Head In The Clouds.

2008-06-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

Powerful Words by Ellen Hopkins

Strong

enough to latch on

to me, bear the weight and

lift

me, induce buoyancy,

float me in a brilliant, blue sky

above

the reach of personal demons.

So peaceful, in the canopy, beyond

distress

and self-incrimination. I wanted

to stay there forever.

Impossible

of course. Life drove away

and almost immediately,

fantasy

clamped down around me,

slammed me back down to Earth.

---------------

Wrap your head around that. Its some deep ass shit eh? Hahaha. =] Nothing beats having your mind in the clouds when you're just trynna stop life momentarily and not have to worry about shit..... But it sucks when you have to return to reality! ahaha. Mmhmmm. Ellen Hopkins is pretty tight. I had to post this poem from her book "Crank" kuz it was the one that hella stood out to me. If you get a chance, check out her books. It's siick kuz she tells her stories in poetry-form. Yup, digg it. Okay well til next time! =]

xoxo,
Kristine

What Is Lost, Will Be Found.

2008-05-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Written: May 19, 2008 @ 4:35pm

Find.

Amongst the misty mountains,
and the tired green plains.
Once in a lifetime,
There you'll find.

Whether it's glistening on the pond,
Or twinkling against the unbreakable ice.
It's hidden amongst all the beauty,
There you'll find.

From the gorgeous clear blue skies,
to the sootihng sound of the pitter patter of raindrops.
Through and through,
There you'll find.

It's as innocent as the spring rose slowly blooming,
and it's as delicate as the dandelion being carried with the wind.
Search.

It's as strong as the waterfalls rippling against the rocks,
and as relieving as the calm current babbling across the brooks.
Search.

It's as unbelieveable as the northern lights,
and as assuring as the sunrise.
Search.

They say it's something you can't see,
like the wind that blows or the heat that burns.
But in all it's magic,
You can see the feeling in it.

The joy,
The happiness,
The truth,
The center of everything.

In love,
There you'll find
Exactly what
You've been looking for.

----
It's been a minute since I wrote me some poetry! I wrote this while sitting on a bench at school, just listening to the wind rustle against the trees and I came up with this. Lols=]. I always say this but really, its interesting where my mind can be and I dont even know it until I write poetry! Lols. I've "found" myself. Hahahah just kidding. I mean like, I've found what's in the back of my head, like usual. But yeahhh, anyway! It's summer now, and I feel a good one coming=] Okay, til next time!

xoxo,
Kristine

UNordinary.

2008-05-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

Written: May 8, 2008 @ 12:01am

You wan't to hear a poem?
Here's a poem. Not your ordinary poem.
But a poem where the words speak for itself.

Those FCUK you poems,
im NEEDING you poems,
and the SOMEONE hurt me poem.

Of course the i LOVE my life poems,
stand up for YOURSELF poems
and the I believe in myself DEEPLY poem.

You know those ACCEPT the path you're given poems,
LEARN to get through it poems,
and that LIVE it up poem.

I know you know those make your DREAM come true poems,
appreciate what you HAVE poems,
and the have FAITH poem.

Can't forget those all I see is YOU and me poems,
I can't believe you're what I DESERVE poems,
and the all I feel with you is HAPPINESS poem.

Feel the poem?
Kuz like no other poems,
this poem is a poem that has all poems.

---------
Yo! After writing this poem, I was like.. Hmm, clever. Hahha. It's not an ordinary poem because it talks about OTHER poems but it is a poem itself. Hahahah. =]. But yes yes, hope you enjoy. It's been a minute since I posted a new poem so it was a must that I write. =] be back soon!

xoxo,
Kristine

funny, SQUARED.

2008-04-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

The Square Root of 3 by Dave Feinberg

I’m sure that I will always be

A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,

Why must my three keep out of sight

Beneath the vicious square root sign,

I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,

with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321

Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,

Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,

Together now we multiply

To form a number we prefer,

Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds

With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued

Your love for me has been renewed

------

In tribute to the oh so veryyy funny "Harold and Kumar: Escape From Guantanomo Bay". I just HAD to post this poem. I was sooooooooo weak when Kumar was reciting this poem (watch it, and you'll understand why). I must say though, this poem is pretty clever and siiick. Hhahahaah, never read a poem that had to deal with math and love. Lmao. =] Interesting. Enjoy! And watch the movie, I highly recommend it if you need a good laugh lols. =]

xoxo,
Kristine

this much is True.

2008-04-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

I Carry Your Heart With Me by e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

----

So these 2 poems I heard on 'In Her Shoes' and I thought it they were both very beautiful. Also very meaningful=]. "I Carry Your Heart With Me" has become one of my favorite poems by far! It's hella deep and touching!! I'm prolly gonna use that poem for my wedding or something, on the realll lollls. And "One Art", yes, the art of losing isn't hard to master. All you gotta do is accept loss, and accept that it's okay to have loss. Haah anyway, I wanted to post famous poems since I haven't in a lil while. Enjoy! =]

xoxo,

Kristine

ALONEtime.

2008-04-23T23:38:00.000-07:00

Written: April 23, 2008 @ 11:20pm

Free versing, just letting it all out,
I'm not sure what will come out of this.
It could possibly be the frustration I feel that
makes me want to shout,
or perhaps how some days I feel perfect, all bliss.
I'm not a sucker for together as one happiness,
but sometimes I think it's something worth having.
I don't know if I need someone to heal all this,
and I'm not sure if that thought will be a heart's stabbing.
See I'm in this position where I'm straddling
the good as well as the bad,
and it's all so confusing yet so satisfying.
I'm glad of what I went through and what I've had,
but I'm angry that from all of it I've made done my share of crying.
It's like I'm grasping life as it goes,
and I'm screaming que sera sera for a healing.
But I'm afraid that loneliness slowly shows,
and I'm closing my eyes in prayer, wishing.
What does it take for the perfect balance from each side,
and where smiles and frowns are equally being used.
Is the answer another soul for mines to confide,
or another reason to say my heart is renewed.

------
Hmmm, haha I guess. Interesting where my mind is. Like I said, I love writing poetry because when I need to find myself, I can write and then realize exactly what I'm thinking in the back of my head and therefore work on whatever it is from there... My PERFECT remedy to sort out all the thinking, instead of pondering on it... Poetry let's you get things out that you didn't know you were even thinking, and it most definitely replenishes you.... Well, I can say that for me =]. Everyone has their own little remedies to get things off their mind... =] Okay, well til next time... Goodnight moon.

xoxo,
Kristine

UNreachable.

2008-04-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

Written: April 15, 2008 @ 11:11pm

What do you do,

when you can't help but focus on something that's unreachable.
But when you do, it's as if it's screaming perfect.
It comes off as immaculate,
masterful,
untarnished,
plainly utopia.
I don't know what it is that compels me,
but i'm sure if it's so strong i should follow it.
At times I must admit,

I sigh to myself everytime it lingers in my head.
And I always look away from dreaming to come back to reality.
Call me crazy and insane for wanting something that's beyond me,
think i'm unbelievable because I see some hope floatin in the future.

What do you do,
If it's something that you've yearned for lately,

and it's not quite clear of why it's so stuck and engraved.

It's all so clear closed in my mind but once i open my eyes,

I can't help but wish I was dreaming again.
Everything seems so timeless and the seconds,
minutes,
hours,
days
all stop in time when i imagine it.
Unknowing to the reasons of these feelings,
foreign to the power that it has over my mind&heart.
Sometimes I want to scream out loud for even believing in chances,
and sometimes I throw my fists together to force myself to holdin it.

What do you do,

when something you want is something so far fetched.
I'm so intertwined with my thoughts,
so caught up in daydreaming.
Does it stop me from focusing on the now,
and does it hold me back from feeling what i want if i just let it.
I want something i can't reach,
and I'm so focused on touching it I can't keep my head on straight.
I'm believing,
hoping,
yearning,
just for that day to come for another chance,
a chance,
of which will be the most beautiful opportunity,
to say hello to Love again.

-----------------

Cupid's hit, and it's a hit that's so unreachable and is just all in a dream's works. Hahah. This is where, "Anything is possible, thats the beauty of living..." comes into play, but it's so far-fetched. Hahah. Peace easy guys.

xoxo,

Kristine

enCOURAGEment.

2008-04-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

Written: April 4, 2008 @ 11:11pm

I sit.

I sit with my eyes closed and my hands to my head.

Many thoughts of my past flash back and forth.

I'm not selfish.

Selfish would be to ask why I've been hurt,

why I've smiled,

why I've achieved,

why I've failed.

I am not unworthy.

I am worthy for who's in my life,

worthy of the ups and downs that i've tasted,

worthy of the path I'm chosen to walk down.

I lay.

I lay down with my eyes averted to the ceiling.

In which I grasp the deals and decisions I've made.

I don't know where I'm going.

Only know where I've been,

enough to guide me from one step to the next.

I'm not ungrateful.

I am accepting to all things made for me,

all things that's not destined to be mine.

I am not unthankful.

I am glad for what has been given to me,

thankful for things I shouldn't come across.

I pray.

I pray with my hands clasped together in silence.

Why do I have this life,

I do not know but I live anyway.

Why does my heart open and close,

yet I still have it whole.

I am retrieiving empowerment,

absorbing every good and every bad.

I am not homeless,

for I have the shelter of love protecting me.

Who am I?
Who am I to regret that i'm living this life.
This life that's been given to me, without any questions asked.

I am not walking behind anyone,

nor am I a shadow.

I am dreaming, breathing, believing.

Life is my destiny and I accept.

I am I,

I am who I am,

I am,

simply,

Me.

----------------

I don't know what I was gonna come out with when I started this poem. But apparently from finishing the poem and then re-reading it. It's basically a empowerment poem that basically has the underlying factor saying I know who I am and I'm thankful therefore I embrace it. =] I love writing because you never know what you're gonna write about, but once you're done and read it.. You are able to find out exactly what you're thinking and feeling at that very moment. It's a pretty sweet thing. You get to learn more about yourself=]. At least thats how I feel everytime I write... Haha, okay well goodnight then. I'm so tired!

xoxo,

Kristine

Touched.

2008-04-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

Written by: Maya Angelou

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares to dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

---------------------------

So, I just finished watching Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?" and Maya Angelou recited this poem in the movie. I thought it was such a beautiful poem I had to give props and post it=]. Sooo, I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

xoxo,

Kristine

Cute-sy.

2008-04-01T12:53:00.001-07:00

Written: March 31, 2008 @ 12:34am

I wonder...
Why sometimes my sky isn't blue,
And bein lovesick aint come around like the flu
Why there's A little less cloudy days and
rain pourin down windowpanes
And a cure for this heartbreak disease took away the pain.

See, its because...
I found the perfect antidote,
And its helping my heart cope
I get the heebiejeebies when I take a dose
and the feelins makin me hold on close.

Also...
I don't think I'll ever feel ill,
Because I got the love-curin pill.
I don't think I'll catch the virus,
Because there's not one moment of it I'd want to miss.

And lastly...
I'm not bed-ridden with pain,
Because this loves given me more gain.
And I'm not dealin with life-support,
Because this love's worth every living effort.

It's a fact...
That I'm feelin a good kind of lovesick,
And it's the type where its the best out of the pick.
Its the type love where it's worth dying for,
Because you want to be reborn to feel it once more.

---------------

I figured that the last few poems were a little sappy, and I was feelin good last night so I thought I should write a happy poem ahah=]. Hope you enjoy. I actually kinda like it, it's kinda cute ahha=]

xoxo,

Kristine

the ill-Love writing Jones.

2008-03-27T23:37:00.000-07:00

Written: March 27, 2008 @ 11:52pm

I think i'm losing my taste, i'm not feening for it,
it's sweetness becomes sour to the tip of the tongue.

I think i'm losing my sense of smell, i'm immune to it's essence,
it's aroma becomes so blandly unpleasant.

I think i'm losing my sight of seeing, i'm becoming blind to it's path,
it's clearly laid out plan to see begins to blur right in front of me.

I think i'm losing my feeling, i'm becoming numb to it's touch,
it's softness against my skin becomes ever so rough.

I think i'm losing my ability to hear, i'm becoming deaf to it's reasons,
it's loud piercing through my ears becomes quite passive.

--------------------------------

So emo. Hahah. Ehh well, i hate tom. It's always the time of the month where I think too much ahaha. Anyway, brownie points for you if you know who or what im talking about in this poem...=]

xoxo,

Kristine

Sappy, oh please.

2008-03-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

Written: March 27, 2008 @ 12:01am

Oh, please.
How I long for an everyday sunshine,
the rays strectching farther and farther with life.
It's been days on end with the rain,
and Im asking for an umbrella to shelter me.
What does it take for a streak of happy days,
and a constant smile for no reason at all.
I feen for a melody that plays quite simple,
yet it still is intricate in every word's detail.
Never have I rushed with the wind,
more mellow with a coat wrapped around me.
With closed eyes I begin to picture,
a million and one together except me.
Questions become true statements and,
truth becomes something i dont want anymore.
I begin to see a different light,
and it's shine begins to dull from the clouds.
Time becomes a bestfriend more and more,
yet for some reason i want to dismiss the friendship.
Moments pass by and I overlook it,
and overlooking it becomes more of a routine.

Oh please.
When will the moonlight dance off my eyes,
and when will the darkness become my light?
Is there a moment that's a moment too close,
and is it a reason for me to hold on to?
Should a weary and thin line become strong,
for it won't be broken by vulnerability?
Patience is wearing thin every second,
and my seconds turn into days on end.
Good I've been so repeatedly,
but with honesty I'm done with good.
Yearning for the perfect isn't idealed,
but seeing imperfect to become perfect is strived for.
Done with seeing the virtue in patience,
and believing that impatience is what triggers all this.
Never naive to accept just the regular,
but looking way down deep for the exquisite.
I remember to not settle for whatever and just wait,
Because someday, somewhere, all that's left is fate.

Oh please, love.

-------------------------------

Can you tell why the title of this blog is called "Sappy"? Hahaha mmm. I think TOM is coming because i'm hella emo and craving everything! hahhahahahaha. Oh and the picture up there i thought was pretty sick. it is kinda relevant to this poem, but not that drastic though ahha. Digggg.

xoxo,

Kristine

Happy, go lucky.

2008-03-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

Heyy! Today was a really good day. It's been a minute ever since I really genuinely had a good day! Haha I must say... There were many good events one after another. Some I can't believe that actually happened, but hey you know...Surprises and things that are unexpected bring the best!! Today was sweeet! From being with my bestfriends who I haven't seen in a while, from just sittin out in the nature chillen, from having good conversation with *a cheezy smile* running from left to right on my face (hahahaha=P).A good day in general brings the natural high, the endorphins, and all that leading to some good ol' happiness. Mm, yahfeel!! *Smiles. Lols. Very gooood day, very much so.Haha, anyway. I was going through my sidekick notes and I came across a free-verse that i'm actually hella diggin. It's kind of interesting how most my free-verses that I've written talk about the sky so much... I'm beginning to wonder what it means...

See I want to fly across the skies, so light and dreamy. Just so free and carelessly. I want to sail across the ocean, so rhythmic and accordingly. Touchin bases with the moon and the glimmer off the water.Shadowin you, guiding me. I came to touch the tips of your mind and dive in deep as your toes rummage against the frailty with grains of sand. I notice the sunlight dancin off your eyes and I see the moonlight trailin off some kind of mystery. Mystifying amongst the fog of an unknown path,but gradually chasin and searchin for the clearing to create a perfect history. A creation waiting to be discovered through the twinkling splinters and the definite arrays of the scorching sun. Let it be known.Ready to free fall into the unknown and scratch the surface of the ongoing depths. Trip, stumble, fall. Trip.... stumble.... FALL.....Hard...with no strings attached.

That free-verse screams "I'm ready to give so much to offer... Bring it!!!" Oh jeeeeezus, very dramatic! hahahaha just kidding...Haha, anyway... Until tomorrow most likely... Peace easyyy=]

xoxo,

Kristine

s'LENTover.

2008-03-23T22:29:00.000-07:00

Yesss, I can start writing poetry again! Lent is now over, and now I can get back to the daily routine of spittin some words in rhymes for you. Haaha, well not really. I like to say "spoken word" instead of rhymes. Haha, anyway. I'm just going to go ahead and type whatever comes to mind, I have hella shit that I've been meaning to get down into words so aiight let's go. =]. I'm gonna free verse.

its been a minute since i floated on the clouds
where i'm just sittin peacefully with
serenity surrounding me
i know it may seem a bit absurd
and i know that i may be reachin a bit too far
but tell me is it too much to ask
for a little bit of fulfillment
see i'm not someone who usually
preaches and wishes
i'm more of the come let it rain down on me
and more of the sweet little meldoy
that plays softly and patiently
but im gettin a bit too restless
and i'm beginning to grow a bit
futher from tenderness
see the clouds is what i strive for
and it's carelessness in the sky is the
exact thing im startin to run towards
i'm diggin and shovelin up what i was before
i'm takin the past and all the same old shit
and coverin it up with a tombstone
now im not sayin that i'm going to
let the thunder come down
or the mountains to move just
because i'm feenin for change
i'm too prideful and full of mistakes
learned from to let it all tear me up
the cream of the crop isn't what i'm needin
nor the tippy top of the pinnacle
nah, im just searchin for the
wrong one whos my right
because in a world of imbalance
the lesson cant be taught nor learned
without seein the black and white
and plainly, the lesson is seeing
the rainbow after the rain

----------------------------------------

Soooooooooooo, yes yes. Just a few thoughts lingering in my head and I guess that's how it came out. Hahah. I find it interesting how you can just let words flow out of your head and then once you've finished and re-read it your like, "wow, am i really thinkin that way right now?" hahahaah. yeahhhh alllrighttyy, that's enough for tonight. i'm gonna watch a movie and then knock out, i'm feelin kind of nauseated =[. haha anyway, HAPPY EASTER! =]

xoxo,
Kristine

FORTUNE-ate.

2008-03-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I came across 2 interesting things worth posting for today. Digg it.

This is from Post Secret, I thought it was cute and interesting. How often do you come across a fortune cookie that actually says something that has meaning? Hahaha. =]

And lastly, a quote...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason; People change so that you can learn to let go; things go wrong so that you can appreceiate them when they're right; you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe

If there's anything that I've learned in these 19 years of living, it's the fact that life throws everything at you. And what I mean by "everything" is that good, sad, cunniving, forceful, joyful, exhiliarating, stressful, loving, caring, stupid, aggressive, unbelieveable, accepting, dishonest and WORTH IT type shit. Feel me? =]. So take life as it is, and take everything that passes you by because you only live once.

xoxo,

Kristine

Poppin the cherry.

2008-03-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

Ayeee! Wow, so I finally joined the "blogger" community. I was so stuck on xanga. Lol, but I think I'm going to like this site better. Haha. I'm going to leave my xanga up still because I have all my poems on there. But from this moment on, I'll be posting here. With poems, pictures and all that good stuff. Yadigg? Haha. Okay. Since it's my first time on here, i'm poppin the blogger.com cherry! Hahaha=] What better way to start this off by with one of the best female lyricist's out there, miss lauryn hill=]

Motives and Thoughts - Lauryn Hill

Rotating bodies, confusion of sound
Negative imagery, holding us down
Social delusion, clearly constructed
Human condition, morals corrupted
Trapped in reaction, lawlessness war
Dissatisfaction from bowels to core
Devil’s technology, strategy for
Human mythologies, urban folklore
Sick of psychology, counterfeit cure
Wicked theology, robbing the poor
Scheme demonology mislead the pure
Strictly strategically studying war
Light shown in darkness, image exposed
Few can see through the new emperor’s clothes
Lustful this hustle turn humans to hoes
When the blind lead the blind
Just more trouble and woes
It’s the mind that they chose
Its designed to stay closed
Standard of jokers, court just a logic
Sick looking cosmics, from schoolyards to college

Primitive man with civilize knowledge
System collapse and he still won’t acknowledge

God is the saviour, studies behavior
Trying to fix the mix mind that he gave ya
Stiff-necked scholars on prescription meds
Wishing their problems were all in their heads
Morale dilemma, pride is the root
Misguided from youth, heart divided from truth
Egyptians and Grecians, spiritually dead
Imperially led, by the gods in their heads

Motives and thoughts

Industrial wealth
Global economy, in it for self
Heart full of madness, covered with kind
Pleasure designed to take over your mind
Furnished in godliness, painted in good
This tainted priesthood got real saints misunderstood
While classes in government, set up the veil
And cultivate minds for more mythical tales
Typical Hollywood follies good girl
While vice and corruption take over the world

Motives and thoughts
Check your motives and thoughts

Blind with the wickedness, deep in your heart
Modern day wickedness is all you’ve been taught
Lied to your neighbors, so you get ahead
Modern day trickery is all you’ve been fed

Motives and thoughts
Check your motives and thoughts

xoxo,
Kristine